








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 813 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 117 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2214 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,128 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1415 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1810 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1715 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1188 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $906,302 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | fizz :*muah | 53% | 70 |
| #5 | Dub Shitty | 52% | 93 |
| #6 | Nilyajium | 51% | 133 |
| #7 | JimmyYakitori | 44% | 43 |
| #8 | Gamer Girl | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nilyajium | 444 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | fizz :*muah | 327 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 238 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | chowderfish | 167 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | JimmyYakitori | 56 | 0.06 | 2 min |





