








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 580 | 30% |
| Smokes | 461 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 571 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 351 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,880 of utility $213 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 334 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chowderfish | 52% | 56 |
| #2 | Tim Brady | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 50% | 56 |
| #4 | Nilyajium | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | fizz :*muah | 48% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Nilyajium | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | fizz :*muah | 48% | 40 |
| #6 | Goose | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | JimmyYakitori | 43% | 14 |
| #8 | gargoyle | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fizz :*muah | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | gargoyle | 3 | 0.0333 |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | chowderfish | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Nilyajium | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nilyajium | 187 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | fizz :*muah | 175 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 169 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | chowderfish | 106 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Goose | 33 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gargoyle | +5.49 | 87 | 66 |
| #2 | chowderfish | +4.67 | 90 | 58 |
| #3 | Tim Brady | +1.65 | 42 | 57 |
| #4 | fizz :*muah | +0.66 | 71 | 67 |
| #5 | Goose | +0.64 | 66 | 67 |





