








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
578 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,926 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 479 | 25% |
| Smokes | 423 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 733 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 291 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $396,344 of utility $236 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ุ | 75% | 16 |
| #2 | gargoyle | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 46% | 63 |
| #4 | Goose | 44% | 43 |
| #5 | Gamer Girl | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Goose | 44% | 43 |
| #5 | Gamer Girl | 43% | 14 |
| #6 | chowderfish | 40% | 42 |
| #7 | fizz :*muah | 40% | 47 |
| #8 | Nilyajium | 38% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fizz :*muah | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | gargoyle | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | chowderfish | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Dub Shitty | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Gamer Girl | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fizz :*muah | 205 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nilyajium | 181 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Dub Shitty | 168 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | Goose | 104 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | chowderfish | 76 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gargoyle | +6.80 | 81 | 68 |
| #2 | chowderfish | +4.50 | 91 | 54 |
| #3 | Goose | +1.72 | 78 | 68 |
| #4 | fizz :*muah | +0.92 | 71 | 69 |
| #5 | ุ | -0.33 | 40 | 82 |





