








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1061 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 402 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 323 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




115 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,641 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3550 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4775 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 2685 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1631 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,693,498 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2296 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stock | 61% | 141 |
| #2 | Horse In The Hospital | 59% | 66 |
| #3 | neo | 57% | 203 |
| #4 | Release The Quackin | 56% | 48 |
| #5 | Rihawn | 56% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Rihawn | 56% | 96 |
| #6 | Orby | 54% | 345 |
| #7 | Lemacc | 54% | 48 |
| #8 | I Am Going To Commit Tax Fraud | 52% | 232 |
| #9 | Nugatory | 45% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Am Going To Commit Tax Fraud | 29 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | Orby | 16 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Stock | 13 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Nugatory | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | neo | 7 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neo | 1166 | 0.29 | 32 min |
| #2 | Orby | 390 | 0.05 | 13 min |
| #3 | I Am Going To Commit Tax Fraud | 345 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #4 | Rihawn | 214 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Stock | 170 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stock | +3.60 | 77 | 48 |
| #2 | Horse In The Hospital | +2.56 | 75 | 62 |
| #3 | Orby | +2.31 | 73 | 65 |
| #4 | MBektic | +1.38 | 69 | 45 |
| #5 | neo | +0.03 | 55 | 75 |





