








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1904 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 830 matches | ||
| Faceit | 178 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




125 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
15793 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,353 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6011 | 21% |
| Smokes | 6767 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 10350 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 5225 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,365,275 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1647 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Accelerate | 63% | 91 |
| #2 | I Am Going To Commit Tax Fraud | 55% | 82 |
| #3 | Rihawn | 55% | 95 |
| #4 | MBektic | 54% | 345 |
| #5 | separatist | 53% | 518 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z | 1512 | 0.11 | 38 min |
| #2 | separatist | 1203 | 0.11 | 30 min |
| #3 | Accelerate | 388 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #4 | MBektic | 385 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #5 | Rihawn | 204 | 0.11 | 4 min |





