








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 502 matches | ||
| Faceit | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6220 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,211 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6475 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7477 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 6608 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4651 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,400,944 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrye | 49% | 177 |
| #2 | No.Mercy^ | 48% | 92 |
| #3 | Vnc | 47% | 134 |
| #4 | -ThExode - ✔ | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 41% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | No.Mercy^ | 48% | 92 |
| #3 | Vnc | 47% | 134 |
| #4 | -ThExode - ✔ | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 41% | 54 |
| #6 | Parasiteee | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vnc | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Scrye | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | No.Mercy^ | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Parasiteee | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vnc | 495 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Scrye | 242 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | No.Mercy^ | 205 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 133 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | -ThExode - ✔ | 126 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrye | +1.15 | 66 | 60 |
| #2 | Vnc | -0.25 | 59 | 65 |
| #3 | Parasiteee | -0.25 | 67 | 66 |
| #4 | Fardoche | -0.28 | 70 | 61 |
| #5 | -ThExode - ✔ | -0.80 | 56 | 68 |





