








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1939 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1355 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1754 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1602 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1387 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $219,760 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helsanta | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | TSB Eljoparr | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | Daghore | 64% | 25 |
| #4 | -ThExode - ✔ | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Saint Bepis | 58% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | No.Mercy^ | 56% | 48 |
| #7 | Vnc | 51% | 49 |
| #8 | Scrye | 47% | 75 |
| #9 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 41% | 37 |
| #10 | Fardoche | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daghore | 4 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Scrye | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Vnc | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | No.Mercy^ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vnc | 208 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Fardoche | 143 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | No.Mercy^ | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Scrye | 105 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 85 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parasiteee | +2.39 | 74 | 64 |
| #2 | Daghore | +1.65 | 65 | 52 |
| #3 | Scrye | +1.47 | 67 | 57 |
| #4 | Helsanta | +0.02 | 43 | 59 |
| #5 | Vnc | -0.08 | 60 | 63 |





