








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
311 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 309 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 40 | 13% |
| Smokes | 24 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 210 | 68% |
| Molotovs | 35 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,100 of utility $3 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZeroDoc | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | The Incredible Bulk | 50% | 22 |
| #3 | Burger Town | 49% | 37 |
| #4 | daviid | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | That Ain't Falco | 48% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Burger Town | 49% | 37 |
| #4 | daviid | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | That Ain't Falco | 48% | 42 |
| #6 | (chad) when does it get better | 20% | 10 |
| #7 | marshall the town rat | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Burger Town | 5 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | That Ain't Falco | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | daviid | 3 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daviid | 116 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #2 | Burger Town | 106 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | ZeroDoc | 59 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | The Incredible Bulk | 21 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | That Ain't Falco | 20 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Burger Town | +4.59 | 70 | 53 |
| #2 | daviid | +2.23 | 68 | 63 |
| #3 | That Ain't Falco | +1.68 | 63 | 28 |
| #4 | ZeroDoc | +0.37 | 41 | 76 |
| #5 | marshall the town rat | -1.75 | 29 | 18 |





