








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 43 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
655 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,191 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 326 | 27% |
| Smokes | 341 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 312 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 212 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $151,984 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Temple-OS | 50% | 22 |
| #2 | That Ain't Falco | 45% | 33 |
| #3 | Burger Town | 44% | 25 |
| #4 | (chad) when does it get better | 39% | 64 |
| #5 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 39% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 39% | 36 |
| #6 | marshall the town rat | 37% | 19 |
| #7 | nickman | 29% | 7 |
| #8 | daviid | 28% | 18 |
| #9 | Vertigo Employee | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (chad) when does it get better | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | That Ain't Falco | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Burger Town | 3 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | daviid | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Burger Town | 59 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | daviid | 53 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 27 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | nickman | 19 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | That Ain't Falco | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nickman | +4.98 | 89 | 59 |
| #2 | Burger Town | +4.51 | 68 | 52 |
| #3 | That Ain't Falco | +2.80 | 66 | 26 |
| #4 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | +1.82 | 47 | 40 |
| #5 | daviid | +1.18 | 64 | 56 |





