








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 101 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2419 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2461 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1657 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1938 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1287 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $602,121 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abu Yaseer | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | tsamand | 63% | 32 |
| #3 | juspa ∩ (◣_◢) ∩ | 61% | 28 |
| #4 | ShadowMoneyWizard | 56% | 25 |
| #5 | securee | 51% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | securee | 51% | 136 |
| #6 | Alexander Stubb | 50% | 24 |
| #7 | -Miraley | 44% | 27 |
| #8 | Jutichevic | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | A.Le Sta | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsamand | 7 | 0.0115 |
| #2 | ShadowMoneyWizard | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | juspa ∩ (◣_◢) ∩ | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Alexander Stubb | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | securee | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | securee | 546 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | -Miraley | 131 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #3 | Abu Yaseer | 105 | 0.41 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jutichevic | 102 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #5 | tsamand | 85 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Miraley | +1.44 | 79 | 70 |
| #2 | securee | +1.13 | 42 | 72 |
| #3 | tsamand | +1.07 | 50 | 59 |
| #4 | A.Le Sta | +0.87 | 61 | 61 |
| #5 | Abu Yaseer | +0.69 | 23 | 67 |





