








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1704 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,508 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1070 | 31% |
| Smokes | 601 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 804 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1033 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,588 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dylan | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Jeffrey Epstein | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 47% | 170 |
| #4 | Sōsuke Aizen | 39% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dylan | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Jeffrey Epstein | 48% | 27 |
| #3 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 47% | 170 |
| #4 | Sōsuke Aizen | 39% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 40 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Jeffrey Epstein | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Sōsuke Aizen | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 852 | 0.24 | 17 min |
| #2 | Jeffrey Epstein | 108 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sōsuke Aizen | 106 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dylan | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CoenB | +2.53 | 65 | 52 |
| #2 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | +1.45 | 32 | 53 |
| #3 | Dylan | -2.10 | 18 | 16 |
| #4 | Jeffrey Epstein | -3.71 | 14 | 42 |
| #5 | Sōsuke Aizen | -6.21 | 14 | 37 |





