








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3508 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,376 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2607 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1541 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 4316 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 2912 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,970,282 of utility $268 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 670 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Unemployed 9-5 | 59% | 107 |
| #4 | ELT & John | 49% | 70 |
| #5 | N.W.A. | 42% | 19 |
| #6 | glimpse | 41% | 49 |
| #7 | Cliff Binton | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unemployed 9-5 | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | ELT & John | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | pengu1n | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | glimpse | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | N.W.A. | 2 | 0.0048 |





