








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1653 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,944 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1732 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1845 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1243 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1124 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $918,624 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | keem | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | Doty™ | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Blaizi | 56% | 39 |
| #4 | vuhx | 55% | 80 |
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | 54% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | 54% | 63 |
| #6 | Quandale Dingle | 52% | 50 |
| #7 | Palmer | 41% | 32 |
| #8 | ♥ Speedy | 38% | 13 |
| #9 | C3K | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stacy's dad-kun | 8 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | vuhx | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Quandale Dingle | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Blaizi | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Palmer | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vuhx | 413 | 0.26 | 12 min |
| #2 | Quandale Dingle | 115 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Blaizi | 89 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Palmer | 82 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | 65 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥ Speedy | +3.10 | 87 | 48 |
| #2 | vuhx | +2.58 | 73 | 66 |
| #3 | keem | +1.70 | 55 | 61 |
| #4 | Doty™ | +0.72 | 59 | 51 |
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | +0.16 | 84 | 43 |





