








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1269 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 366 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4648 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3903 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5566 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 1972 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2086 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,897,869 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 972 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i'm sorry. but | 55% | 51 |
| #2 | vuhx | 54% | 123 |
| #3 | keem | 53% | 49 |
| #4 | Quandale Dingle | 50% | 398 |
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | 45% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | vuhx | 54% | 123 |
| #3 | keem | 53% | 49 |
| #4 | Quandale Dingle | 50% | 398 |
| #5 | stacy's dad-kun | 45% | 110 |
| #6 | Taliban Terry | 44% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vuhx | 18 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Quandale Dingle | 12 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | stacy's dad-kun | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | i'm sorry. but | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Taliban Terry | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quandale Dingle | 966 | 0.12 | 22 min |
| #2 | vuhx | 753 | 0.30 | 22 min |
| #3 | keem | 216 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #4 | stacy's dad-kun | 132 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | i'm sorry. but | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vuhx | +4.48 | 75 | 66 |
| #2 | i'm sorry. but | +2.81 | 80 | 56 |
| #3 | Quandale Dingle | +1.63 | 64 | 62 |
| #4 | stacy's dad-kun | +1.42 | 87 | 46 |
| #5 | keem | +0.50 | 66 | 58 |





