








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,886 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1004 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2235 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1746 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 901 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $807,744 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Incredible | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | otaku 欧イッ | 59% | 34 |
| #3 | Burigeller ♕ | 57% | 46 |
| #4 | †_El Polaco_ † | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | siNX' | 55% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | dandi | 43% | 30 |
| #10 | Foeb. | 43% | 159 |
| #11 | bexy | 43% | 47 |
| #12 | Abdul Klappstuhl | 35% | 17 |
| #13 | MEE | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cucumba | 19 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | jimi | 16 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Foeb. | 11 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | otaku 欧イッ | 6 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | dandi | 3 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimi | 838 | 0.20 | 21 min |
| #2 | cucumba | 280 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Foeb. | 251 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | otaku 欧イッ | 141 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | bexy | 120 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | otaku 欧イッ | +2.45 | 71 | 78 |
| #2 | jimi | +2.13 | 73 | 75 |
| #3 | Burigeller ♕ | +1.88 | 83 | 49 |
| #4 | Mr. Incredible | +0.96 | 37 | 60 |
| #5 | .L4zz3r | -0.10 | 59 | 52 |





