








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 357 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2378 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,722 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1852 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2274 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2861 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1735 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,071,536 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | .L4zz3r | 43% | 159 |
| #7 | jimi | 42% | 200 |
| #8 | dandi | 42% | 31 |
| #9 | MEE | 36% | 33 |
| #10 | bexy | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cucumba | 16 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | jimi | 15 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | .L4zz3r | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | dandi | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | bexy | 3 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimi | 859 | 0.20 | 23 min |
| #2 | cucumba | 279 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | .L4zz3r | 153 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | otaku 欧イッ | 128 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | bexy | 80 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | otaku 欧イッ | +2.59 | 71 | 80 |
| #2 | jimi | +1.87 | 72 | 76 |
| #3 | Burigeller ♕ | +1.56 | 81 | 44 |
| #4 | cucumba | -0.44 | 53 | 68 |
| #5 | .L4zz3r | -0.51 | 59 | 49 |





