










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
940 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,015 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1192 | 40% |
| Smokes | 919 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 360 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 544 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $359,656 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TurnedUpSide | 83% | 12 |
| #2 | deejay | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | jelqing jouster | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Jimmer | 57% | 63 |
| #5 | emile | 56% | 16 |





