








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 163 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1856 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,675 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1851 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2479 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1261 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2084 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $395,725 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimo | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Antoine The French G | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Kanye West at His Kanye Best | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | Kerrumm | 60% | 15 |
| #5 | 159cm 50kg 9cm | 57% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | J8S | 54% | 96 |
| #8 | Schrödinger's Bullet | 53% | 80 |
| #9 | cain | 50% | 18 |
| #10 | Bet | 48% | 21 |
| #11 | zeti | 47% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 159cm 50kg 9cm | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | J8S | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | zeti | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | cain | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Kichin Bowl | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kichin Bowl | 610 | 0.24 | 17 min |
| #2 | J8S | 457 | 0.22 | 14 min |
| #3 | Schrödinger's Bullet | 208 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | 159cm 50kg 9cm | 137 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | zeti | 106 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kichin Bowl | +2.79 | 87 | 73 |
| #2 | Kanye West at His Kanye Best | +2.12 | 83 | 74 |
| #3 | Dylan | +1.04 | 73 | 73 |
| #4 | 159cm 50kg 9cm | +0.07 | 78 | 66 |
| #5 | J8S | -0.10 | 69 | 83 |





