








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,008 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 587 | 29% |
| Smokes | 678 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 620 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 123 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $116,170 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dedmo | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | Venustraphobic | 42% | 48 |
| #3 | Karjalanpiirakka munavoilla | 33% | 9 |
| #4 | Beamy | 33% | 12 |
| #5 | Stupid | 33% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Beamy | 33% | 12 |
| #5 | Stupid | 33% | 30 |
| #6 | JekkuPommi | 31% | 35 |
| #7 | carva | 14% | 7 |
| #8 | Sexuro | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JekkuPommi | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Stupid | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Karjalanpiirakka munavoilla | 1 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | carva | 1 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Dedmo | 1 | 0.0152 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Venustraphobic | 89 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Beamy | 61 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #3 | JekkuPommi | 56 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Stupid | 30 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | carva | 21 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Venustraphobic | +2.60 | 82 | 65 |
| #2 | JekkuPommi | +2.08 | 41 | 68 |
| #3 | carva | +1.93 | 79 | 65 |
| #4 | Dedmo | +1.57 | 91 | 54 |
| #5 | Sexuro | +0.57 | 67 | 62 |





