








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,965 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 737 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2200 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1500 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1528 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,086 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dave170 | 67% | 24 |
| #2 | Fistful of Shit | 54% | 83 |
| #3 | Spooky | 53% | 43 |
| #4 | DocBrodo | 49% | 181 |
| #5 | wretch | 49% | 202 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Spooky | 53% | 43 |
| #4 | DocBrodo | 49% | 181 |
| #5 | wretch | 49% | 202 |
| #6 | Lil Brioche | 48% | 171 |
| #7 | JackofAllTradez | 46% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wretch | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Lil Brioche | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | JackofAllTradez | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Spooky | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | DocBrodo | 2 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fistful of Shit | 402 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | Lil Brioche | 360 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | DocBrodo | 339 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #4 | wretch | 189 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | JackofAllTradez | 75 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky | +1.90 | 75 | 45 |
| #2 | JackofAllTradez | +0.66 | 67 | 59 |
| #3 | DocBrodo | +0.57 | 77 | 59 |
| #4 | Dave170 | +0.40 | 66 | 50 |
| #5 | Fistful of Shit | +0.34 | 75 | 66 |





