








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 389 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3354 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,456 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1248 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2317 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1940 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1951 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,340,074 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 81 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fistful of Shit | 54% | 222 |
| #2 | DocBrodo | 52% | 219 |
| #3 | Spooky | 49% | 102 |
| #4 | Jammidodger | 49% | 202 |
| #5 | At0micaL | 47% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Spooky | 49% | 102 |
| #4 | Jammidodger | 49% | 202 |
| #5 | At0micaL | 47% | 30 |
| #6 | Lil Brioche | 46% | 201 |
| #7 | JackofAllTradez | 40% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fistful of Shit | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Spooky | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | DocBrodo | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Jammidodger | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Lil Brioche | 2 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fistful of Shit | 906 | 0.19 | 22 min |
| #2 | Lil Brioche | 522 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | DocBrodo | 382 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #4 | Jammidodger | 255 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Spooky | 164 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky | +1.72 | 78 | 46 |
| #2 | DocBrodo | +0.84 | 78 | 58 |
| #3 | At0micaL | +0.32 | 81 | 56 |
| #4 | JackofAllTradez | +0.24 | 67 | 58 |
| #5 | Fistful of Shit | -0.06 | 73 | 65 |





