








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
953 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1406 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1427 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1112 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1081 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,822 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seagull | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | Hey, Listen! | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | Bovine-simian | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Sly Cooper | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Brendenbak | 50% | 60 |
| #9 | jim | 48% | 42 |
| #10 | kapder ff | 42% | 24 |
| #11 | ♢︎Henrik Ibsen♢ | 40% | 10 |
| #12 | Totallynoob | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 6 | 0.0172 |
| #2 | Sky | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | jim | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Seagull | 2 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Golden | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jim | 128 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Brendenbak | 117 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sky | 101 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | kapder ff | 88 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | 86 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sky | +3.35 | 77 | 60 |
| #2 | kapder ff | +2.90 | 71 | 73 |
| #3 | [18e] Chrisehâ„¢ | +2.30 | 75 | 76 |
| #4 | Hey, Listen! | -0.09 | 76 | 49 |
| #5 | Brendenbak | -0.26 | 69 | 50 |





