








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 66 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
993 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,242 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 488 | 22% |
| Smokes | 635 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 622 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 497 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,188 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cose =D | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Smuu | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | macklin celebrini | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | vebe =DD | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | olavi | 42% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olavi | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Smuu | 2 | 0.0122 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olavi | 164 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Gäis | 54 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #3 | Kylis | 44 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Smuu | 40 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | macklin celebrini | 36 | 0.06 | 1 min |





