








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 331 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 131 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,634 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4113 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4492 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3077 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3952 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,352,343 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scrawny579 | 52% | 105 |
| #2 | Pino | 50% | 34 |
| #3 | W.C. Fritos | 48% | 27 |
| #4 | gloop | 46% | 71 |
| #5 | Johnny Dang | 45% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | gloop | 46% | 71 |
| #5 | Johnny Dang | 45% | 117 |
| #6 | ✪ KiWi | 40% | 82 |
| #7 | BoJack Horseman | 39% | 38 |
| #8 | Yobama | 38% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ KiWi | 12 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Yobama | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Johnny Dang | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Scrawny579 | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | gloop | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ KiWi | 359 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | Yobama | 248 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | Scrawny579 | 206 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | gloop | 112 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Johnny Dang | 79 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ KiWi | +1.40 | 69 | 54 |
| #2 | Scrawny579 | +0.71 | 79 | 46 |
| #3 | yullD | +0.05 | 53 | 59 |
| #4 | gloop | -0.64 | 62 | 49 |
| #5 | Johnny Dang | -0.67 | 50 | 37 |





