








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 168 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 226 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2676 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,854 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 597 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1862 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1122 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1273 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,552,759 of utility $260 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pino | 50% | 30 |
| #2 | nEW hUBLOT | 49% | 37 |
| #3 | yullD | 45% | 117 |
| #4 | BoJack Horseman | 43% | 37 |
| #5 | Yobama | 42% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Yobama | 42% | 92 |
| #6 | W.C. Fritos | 40% | 60 |
| #7 | Scrawny579 | 38% | 45 |
| #8 | gloop | 34% | 64 |
| #9 | ✪ KiWi | 27% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yobama | 14 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | ✪ KiWi | 6 | 0.0108 |
| #3 | yullD | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Pino | 5 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | W.C. Fritos | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yullD | 433 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Yobama | 345 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | W.C. Fritos | 142 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | nEW hUBLOT | 132 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | gloop | 118 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ KiWi | +1.68 | 70 | 57 |
| #2 | nEW hUBLOT | +0.89 | 56 | 61 |
| #3 | Scrawny579 | +0.67 | 80 | 48 |
| #4 | yullD | +0.40 | 53 | 59 |
| #5 | Johnny Dang | -0.29 | 52 | 36 |





