








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 720 | 19% |
| Smokes | 854 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1004 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1268 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $672,046 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | nEW hUBLOT | 38% | 13 |
| #7 | Yobama | 38% | 111 |
| #8 | gloop | 33% | 12 |
| #9 | ✪ KiWi | 30% | 10 |
| #10 | Scrawny579 | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yobama | 14 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | W.C. Fritos | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Pino | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Johnny Dang | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | yullD | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yobama | 537 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #2 | W.C. Fritos | 130 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | yullD | 121 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Pino | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | nEW hUBLOT | 46 | 0.24 | 1 min |





