








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 383 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 231 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,007 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3131 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3537 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3416 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1923 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,545,354 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1006 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gorf | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Birdo | 51% | 189 |
| #3 | 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢⚶ | 49% | 158 |
| #4 | tead | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | Apple Butta Smeared Bong | 40% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gorf | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Birdo | 51% | 189 |
| #3 | 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢⚶ | 49% | 158 |
| #4 | tead | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | Apple Butta Smeared Bong | 40% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢⚶ | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Apple Butta Smeared Bong | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | tead | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | gorf | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢⚶ | 335 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | Apple Butta Smeared Bong | 150 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | tead | 135 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | gorf | 96 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Birdo | 85 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tead | +1.48 | 66 | 72 |
| #2 | 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢⚶ | +1.36 | 68 | 69 |
| #3 | gorf | +1.15 | 54 | 75 |
| #4 | Santo Bahpau | +0.44 | 60 | 53 |
| #5 | Birdo | -1.82 | 52 | 50 |





