








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2213 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,177 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2404 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2971 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1138 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1664 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $644,170 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | cняᴉs ☢ | 55% | 60 |
| #6 | My Nuts Stink | 55% | 53 |
| #7 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 52% | 216 |
| #8 | asdf 李 | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | Delete | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | 50 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 47 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | cняᴉs ☢ | 16 | 0.0139 |
| #4 | Anderdingus | 12 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | My Nuts Stink | 11 | 0.0103 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | 1362 | 0.32 | 29 min |
| #2 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 496 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | Anderdingus | 168 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Delete | 164 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | cняᴉs ☢ | 129 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | +6.73 | 85 | 60 |
| #2 | balls | +0.69 | 44 | 41 |
| #3 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | +0.39 | 66 | 55 |
| #4 | My Nuts Stink | +0.34 | 36 | 54 |
| #5 | asdf 李 | +0.25 | 87 | 44 |





