








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2055 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,086 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 757 | 19% |
| Smokes | 822 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1453 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1054 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $398,697 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | α΄nΙ | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | CPT Coochie | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | chipflash101 | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | Gooby Gobbler | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | H | 49% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Zem | 39% | 36 |
| #14 | Naeko | 38% | 13 |
| #15 | Blue123 | 38% | 42 |
| #16 | Titanβ’ | 37% | 51 |
| #17 | General Manager Viv | 36% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OldMateRocky | 9 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | Titanβ’ | 7 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Blue123 | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Zem | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | H | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Titanβ’ | 147 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Blue123 | 101 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cyans | 99 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | OldMateRocky | 93 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | gui | 88 | 0.07 | 2 min |





