








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 405 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Wingman | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,300 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1358 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1240 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 795 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 907 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,118,922 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 175 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Minion | 50% | 76 |
| #2 | BigDracEnergy | 49% | 139 |
| #3 | aglet | 48% | 103 |
| #4 | Mike | 35% | 69 |
| #5 | Wawa | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Minion | 50% | 76 |
| #2 | BigDracEnergy | 49% | 139 |
| #3 | aglet | 48% | 103 |
| #4 | Mike | 35% | 69 |
| #5 | Wawa | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Minion | 25 | 0.0158 |
| #2 | aglet | 17 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | Wawa | 6 | 0.0124 |
| #4 | BigDracEnergy | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Mike | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Minion | 292 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | aglet | 121 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | BigDracEnergy | 116 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Wawa | 36 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mike | 16 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wawa | +2.17 | 66 | 47 |
| #2 | Spyder | +1.68 | 78 | 29 |
| #3 | BigDracEnergy | +0.15 | 44 | 49 |
| #4 | aglet | -1.30 | 44 | 36 |
| #5 | John Minion | -1.33 | 63 | 56 |





