








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 289 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 178 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3038 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,792 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2506 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3694 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2868 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2724 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $696,750 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Rigel | 50% | 22 |
| #6 | Late^ | 49% | 110 |
| #7 | .bulba | 48% | 101 |
| #8 | jebs | 38% | 40 |
| #9 | Anechi | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .bulba | 398 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #2 | jebs | 220 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #3 | Late^ | 132 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | ☺ janne | 123 | 0.30 | 3 min |
| #5 | ☆ blanzajero | 110 | 0.12 | 4 min |





