








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 676 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 496 matches | ||
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,980 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4897 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5095 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 5293 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5695 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,612,512 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FlintenUschi | 62% | 52 |
| #2 | discochimp | 59% | 73 |
| #3 | JAYBE | 55% | 239 |
| #4 | Hamudi47 | 54% | 48 |
| #5 | Azpi | 53% | 446 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Azpi | 11 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Nestoro | 9 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | eTernitY | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | styLe | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | peacor | 3 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nestoro | 2956 | 0.26 | 79 min |
| #2 | peacor | 1504 | 0.20 | 40 min |
| #3 | Azpi | 554 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #4 | styLe | 521 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #5 | eTernitY | 481 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JAYBE | +1.13 | 91 | 70 |
| #2 | Shocky | +0.85 | 78 | 59 |
| #3 | Azpi | +0.65 | 71 | 50 |
| #4 | eTernitY | +0.44 | 69 | 61 |
| #5 | FlintenUschi | +0.26 | 82 | 62 |





