








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1448 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1032 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




129 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11273 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,735 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2682 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2227 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 7552 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 2274 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,958,661 of utility $251 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1539 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ۩ Styx | 53% | 88 |
| #2 | Chatmandu | 48% | 63 |
| #3 | captain queef | 45% | 60 |
| #4 | .blackrabbitrabid | 45% | 94 |
| #5 | akira | 44% | 370 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | .blackrabbitrabid | 45% | 94 |
| #5 | akira | 44% | 370 |
| #6 | Lazy | 42% | 196 |
| #7 | KeKe | 42% | 65 |
| #8 | darkswaan42 | 33% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | akira | 16 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | darkswaan42 | 14 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | ۩ Styx | 12 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | KeKe | 12 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | captain queef | 9 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lazy | 265 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #2 | .blackrabbitrabid | 189 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | akira | 188 | 0.02 | 4 min |
| #4 | darkswaan42 | 101 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Chatmandu | 60 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hollering at your mama | +1.57 | 64 | 40 |
| #2 | Chatmandu | +1.31 | 54 | 30 |
| #3 | ۩ Styx | +0.13 | 60 | 31 |
| #4 | captain queef | -0.04 | 63 | 51 |
| #5 | .blackrabbitrabid | -0.36 | 39 | 58 |





