








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1159 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 812 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5121 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,206 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1792 | 29% |
| Smokes | 636 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 2877 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 901 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $531,025 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 913 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hollering at your mama | 53% | 88 |
| #2 | captain queef | 52% | 227 |
| #3 | BeeDoo | 50% | 64 |
| #4 | Holy Bruh | 50% | 143 |
| #5 | Chatmandu | 47% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | BeeDoo | 50% | 64 |
| #4 | Holy Bruh | 50% | 143 |
| #5 | Chatmandu | 47% | 102 |
| #6 | Made for the Streets | 46% | 56 |
| #7 | akira | 45% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hollering at your mama | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | captain queef | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | BeeDoo | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | akira | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Chatmandu | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeeDoo | 247 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | captain queef | 243 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #3 | Made for the Streets | 127 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Holy Bruh | 110 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Chatmandu | 82 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hollering at your mama | +2.48 | 67 | 44 |
| #2 | Chatmandu | +1.45 | 37 | 33 |
| #3 | captain queef | +0.07 | 66 | 50 |
| #4 | ۩ Styx | -0.22 | 61 | 31 |
| #5 | Made for the Streets | -1.71 | 38 | 65 |





