








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 906 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 862 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7374 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,297 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1792 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2535 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1496 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 474 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,954,344 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 576 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | akira | 52% | 103 |
| #2 | hollering at your mama | 48% | 63 |
| #3 | ۩ Styx | 47% | 102 |
| #4 | Joe Roganovic | 46% | 152 |
| #5 | Lazy | 46% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Lazy | 46% | 87 |
| #6 | TSPOON | 45% | 100 |
| #7 | captain queef | 44% | 104 |
| #8 | BeeDoo | 44% | 48 |
| #9 | .blackrabbitrabid | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ۩ Styx | 12 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | hollering at your mama | 9 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | akira | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | .blackrabbitrabid | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | captain queef | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TSPOON | 804 | 0.38 | 16 min |
| #2 | Joe Roganovic | 286 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | BeeDoo | 203 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | .blackrabbitrabid | 105 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lazy | 101 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hollering at your mama | +1.67 | 63 | 46 |
| #2 | TSPOON | +1.57 | 70 | 78 |
| #3 | Chatmandu | +0.80 | 44 | 26 |
| #4 | .blackrabbitrabid | -0.58 | 38 | 63 |
| #5 | ۩ Styx | -0.60 | 59 | 34 |





