








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1030 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 428 matches | ||
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,023 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6897 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4276 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 7791 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3059 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,426,048 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1347 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parker | 54% | 397 |
| #2 | neomoth | 54% | 210 |
| #3 | ELMER | 50% | 113 |
| #4 | GЯANo- | 50% | 259 |
| #5 | KaNaR | 49% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | X_x | 46% | 162 |
| #10 | GucciYo | 45% | 183 |
| #11 | ✪ Epik (ٿ) | 42% | 38 |
| #12 | K T B | 42% | 72 |
| #13 | Notna | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parker | 51 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | GЯANo- | 16 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | ELMER | 7 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | GucciYo | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | X_x | 4 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parker | 1597 | 0.20 | 38 min |
| #2 | GЯANo- | 1321 | 0.25 | 38 min |
| #3 | GucciYo | 1033 | 0.29 | 36 min |
| #4 | ELMER | 376 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #5 | -ThExode - ✔ | 339 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parker | +3.02 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | ELMER | +2.81 | 85 | 81 |
| #3 | ReveN | +1.09 | 81 | 62 |
| #4 | GЯANo- | +0.74 | 77 | 72 |
| #5 | Loulou_le_Wiener | -0.19 | 76 | 64 |





