








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 757 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 429 matches | ||
| Wingman | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5661 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,733 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3753 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3006 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2623 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2351 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,965,839 of utility $255 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 252 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xilcry | 50% | 103 |
| #2 | Bad Ape | 50% | 370 |
| #3 | u poopn? | 50% | 384 |
| #4 | dvd vcr combo | 48% | 386 |
| #5 | Big Mamoo | 48% | 215 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bad Ape | 50% | 370 |
| #3 | u poopn? | 50% | 384 |
| #4 | dvd vcr combo | 48% | 386 |
| #5 | Big Mamoo | 48% | 215 |
| #6 | Eazy-Cheezy | 32% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bad Ape | 31 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | u poopn? | 17 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | dvd vcr combo | 11 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Big Mamoo | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Xilcry | 6 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dvd vcr combo | 1013 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | u poopn? | 746 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #3 | Bad Ape | 462 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Xilcry | 233 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Big Mamoo | 75 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gluggin | +0.81 | 71 | 52 |
| #2 | u poopn? | +0.74 | 71 | 57 |
| #3 | Xilcry | +0.58 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | Bad Ape | +0.01 | 68 | 44 |
| #5 | dvd vcr combo | -0.05 | 53 | 60 |





