








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 773 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 447 matches | ||
| Wingman | 149 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6423 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,372 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5051 | 21% |
| Smokes | 7132 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 7064 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 5125 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,442,878 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 234 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Mamoo | 50% | 265 |
| #2 | dvd vcr combo | 50% | 496 |
| #3 | Gluggin | 50% | 384 |
| #4 | Bad Ape | 50% | 405 |
| #5 | Xilcry | 49% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | dvd vcr combo | 50% | 496 |
| #3 | Gluggin | 50% | 384 |
| #4 | Bad Ape | 50% | 405 |
| #5 | Xilcry | 49% | 92 |
| #6 | Eazy-Cheezy | 36% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bad Ape | 34 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Gluggin | 33 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | dvd vcr combo | 12 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Big Mamoo | 10 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Xilcry | 6 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dvd vcr combo | 1241 | 0.13 | 32 min |
| #2 | Gluggin | 884 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #3 | Bad Ape | 466 | 0.05 | 12 min |
| #4 | Xilcry | 210 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | Big Mamoo | 98 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | u poopn? | +1.13 | 73 | 56 |
| #2 | Gluggin | +0.95 | 72 | 53 |
| #3 | Xilcry | +0.53 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | dvd vcr combo | +0.03 | 55 | 59 |
| #5 | Bad Ape | -0.41 | 68 | 43 |





