








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,120 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3928 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2556 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2657 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1979 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $782,206 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ck floop | 54% | 46 |
| #2 | bigdaddydave | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Kap | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | Bananayourjamas | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Meatwad | 50% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Meatwad | 50% | 230 |
| #6 | Reaper | 47% | 135 |
| #7 | Dr_P_Za | 44% | 27 |
| #8 | Memorial | 42% | 71 |
| #9 | Stoney | 39% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meatwad | 22 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Memorial | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Reaper | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Stoney | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Dr_P_Za | 4 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meatwad | 1495 | 0.30 | 35 min |
| #2 | Reaper | 302 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | Memorial | 223 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Ck floop | 142 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dr_P_Za | 130 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CS Omnipotence | +1.33 | 78 | 67 |
| #2 | bigdaddydave | +0.97 | 76 | 53 |
| #3 | Ck floop | +0.46 | 83 | 64 |
| #4 | Reaper | -0.31 | 62 | 49 |
| #5 | Meatwad | -0.62 | 48 | 63 |





