








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 483 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 102 matches | ||
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2458 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,777 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3167 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1872 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1963 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1775 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $731,132 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Akselib0b | 51% | 37 |
| #9 | Antidote | 51% | 201 |
| #10 | MetaMiksu | 51% | 90 |
| #11 | Jutiliti | 50% | 16 |
| #12 | ISO L | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | arizonapizza | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | servaaja | 4 | 0.0131 |
| #3 | Manuatus | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ISO L | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Antidote | 2 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Antidote | 596 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #2 | Manuatus | 298 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | exi | 152 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | MetaMiksu | 130 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | ISO L | 117 | 0.10 | 3 min |





