








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 218 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2229 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3274 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1937 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2189 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,154,207 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 184 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jake | 49% | 202 |
| #6 | Shanye | 46% | 80 |
| #7 | jblizz | 46% | 96 |
| #8 | LiLMaN | 45% | 22 |
| #9 | daddys little spastic | 30% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jake | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Pierce | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | jblizz | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Shanye | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | LiLMaN | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pierce | 660 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | jake | 545 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #3 | jblizz | 351 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #4 | Shanye | 271 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | LiLMaN | 162 | 0.36 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daddys little spastic | +2.50 | 86 | 61 |
| #2 | Pierce | +0.80 | 72 | 63 |
| #3 | LiLMaN | +0.28 | 85 | 79 |
| #4 | Shanye | +0.23 | 68 | 56 |
| #5 | mustard on da beat hoe | +0.05 | 45 | 52 |





