








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 997 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 448 matches | ||
| Wingman | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5854 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,482 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6866 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5298 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4865 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 6453 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,847,343 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1875 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shaft | 53% | 101 |
| #2 | pinfinna nut | 51% | 39 |
| #3 | NewTe$tament | 50% | 178 |
| #4 | jake | 50% | 458 |
| #5 | LiLMaN | 49% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | LiLMaN | 49% | 96 |
| #6 | Banana | 48% | 40 |
| #7 | jblizz | 47% | 94 |
| #8 | Shanye | 45% | 60 |
| #9 | daddys little spastic | 38% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shaft | 10 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | NewTe$tament | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | jake | 4 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | daddys little spastic | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | jblizz | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jake | 1188 | 0.12 | 29 min |
| #2 | LiLMaN | 608 | 0.30 | 17 min |
| #3 | NewTe$tament | 529 | 0.14 | 16 min |
| #4 | jblizz | 342 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #5 | Shanye | 180 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daddys little spastic | +2.69 | 84 | 61 |
| #2 | LiLMaN | +1.31 | 82 | 74 |
| #3 | Pierce | +0.45 | 69 | 64 |
| #4 | jake | -0.06 | 61 | 61 |
| #5 | NewTe$tament | -0.36 | 71 | 60 |





