








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1597 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,075 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1375 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1483 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1460 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 757 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $259,889 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | jfghost | 41% | 73 |
| #9 | BINGBONG | 33% | 27 |
| #10 | TomataWata | 29% | 31 |
| #11 | orange shag | 24% | 21 |
| #12 | Dr. Charlotte | 14% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | that1guy42 | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Dr. Charlotte | 3 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | ajac | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | jfghost | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | ium | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ium | 291 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | ajac | 194 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | that1guy42 | 164 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | jfghost | 133 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | BINGBONG | 122 | 0.21 | 3 min |





