








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1549 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1711 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1618 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1393 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $492,145 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 56% | 61 |
| #2 | GandalfDaRizzard | 53% | 142 |
| #3 | AwiiN | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Parkis | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | Large Black Phallice | 46% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | AwiiN | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Parkis | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | Large Black Phallice | 46% | 57 |
| #6 | The Last Gear Bender | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | Davo | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | AwiiN | 5 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | GandalfDaRizzard | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Large Black Phallice | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Parkis | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GandalfDaRizzard | 443 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 228 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | Large Black Phallice | 107 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Davo | 59 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Parkis | 48 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AwiiN | +4.05 | 80 | 46 |
| #2 | goose | +0.87 | 49 | 64 |
| #3 | Davo | +0.44 | 56 | 64 |
| #4 | Choog(Cheeseus) | +0.38 | 60 | 66 |
| #5 | GandalfDaRizzard | -0.26 | 46 | 48 |





