








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 592 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5939 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,557 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6563 | 45% |
| Smokes | 4207 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2953 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 834 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,937,014 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 55% | 56 |
| #2 | goose | 53% | 142 |
| #3 | Parkis | 51% | 106 |
| #4 | Large Black Phallice | 49% | 206 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 55% | 56 |
| #2 | goose | 53% | 142 |
| #3 | Parkis | 51% | 106 |
| #4 | Large Black Phallice | 49% | 206 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Large Black Phallice | 16 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | goose | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Parkis | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Large Black Phallice | 414 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | goose | 263 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 215 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #4 | Parkis | 99 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | goose | +1.23 | 51 | 64 |
| #2 | Choog(Cheeseus) | +1.20 | 63 | 65 |
| #3 | GandalfDaRizzard | +0.50 | 50 | 49 |
| #4 | Large Black Phallice | +0.09 | 67 | 45 |
| #5 | Parkis | -1.28 | 59 | 57 |





