








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1406 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 426 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5543 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,807 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4329 | 19% |
| Smokes | 6206 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5845 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6427 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,239,166 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 325 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yassbags | 56% | 147 |
| #2 | Large Black Phallice | 54% | 37 |
| #3 | goose | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 51% | 80 |
| #5 | GandalfDaRizzard | 51% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rob | 80 | 0.0158 |
| #2 | yassbags | 11 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Mason | 7 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Choog(Cheeseus) | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | goose | 4 | 0.0035 |





