








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
137 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 275 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 80 | 29% |
| Smokes | 108 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 28 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 59 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $38,800 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pit Merchant | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | wumpbumpsumpsump | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | floatingramen | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | Dynamite | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | GooberFart | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GooberFart | 2 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | iphone 5s | 1 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Dynamite | 1 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | wumpbumpsumpsump | 1 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iphone 5s | 31 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | Dynamite | 18 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #3 | GooberFart | 16 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | wumpbumpsumpsump | 6 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | zuma | 5 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pit Merchant | +3.99 | 68 | 52 |
| #2 | GooberFart | +1.89 | 91 | 43 |
| #3 | wumpbumpsumpsump | +0.03 | 52 | 17 |
| #4 | iphone 5s | -1.07 | 72 | 51 |
| #5 | crud | -1.61 | 54 | 36 |





