








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
859 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,874 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 784 | 27% |
| Smokes | 585 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 831 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 674 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,700 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monkey Acknowledger | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | floatingramen | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | Pit Merchant | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | wumpbumpsumpsump | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | Mini Nuss | 55% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iphone 5s | 62 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | Cuzinho | 62 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | wumpbumpsumpsump | 58 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mini Nuss | 46 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Monkey Acknowledger | 41 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pit Merchant | +4.77 | 71 | 48 |
| #2 | Monkey Acknowledger | +3.36 | 52 | 67 |
| #3 | Cuzinho | +1.60 | 62 | 60 |
| #4 | iphone 5s | +1.52 | 83 | 56 |
| #5 | zuma | -0.10 | 60 | 46 |





