








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2115 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,403 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1545 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1802 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2096 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1960 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $833,860 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 549 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tiro em seu ânus | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | Tin Cup | 48% | 56 |
| #3 | Secret Albatross | 47% | 19 |
| #4 | fake-nut baby | 46% | 39 |
| #5 | Sting Ray Robb A.J. Foyt | 45% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swshbclr | 38 | 0.0107 |
| #2 | Sting Ray Robb A.J. Foyt | 37 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | OTTO | 11 | 0.0166 |
| #4 | Tin Cup | 8 | 0.0072 |
| #5 | Zub | 5 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swshbclr | 353 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | Zub | 318 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Sting Ray Robb A.J. Foyt | 215 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | tiro em seu ânus | 80 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | OTTO | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Secret Albatross | +4.06 | 69 | 50 |
| #2 | swshbclr | +2.72 | 69 | 58 |
| #3 | OTTO | +1.36 | 47 | 39 |
| #4 | Zub | +0.91 | 67 | 39 |
| #5 | tiro em seu ânus | +0.83 | 75 | 63 |





