








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 357 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,955 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 818 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1901 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1102 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1134 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $480,790 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 284 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tipiqle | 58% | 60 |
| #2 | zaldin | 55% | 112 |
| #3 | Greg, I Smell Drugs | 50% | 204 |
| #4 | Rigatoni | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | Z O E | 48% | 233 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Rigatoni | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | Z O E | 48% | 233 |
| #6 | MR.DIGENYO BHUTT | 47% | 38 |
| #7 | The Forest Green Goober | 45% | 191 |
| #8 | Weener | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Greg, I Smell Drugs | 17 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Z O E | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | The Forest Green Goober | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Tipiqle | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | MR.DIGENYO BHUTT | 3 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Forest Green Goober | 529 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | Z O E | 323 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Greg, I Smell Drugs | 225 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | zaldin | 145 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | MR.DIGENYO BHUTT | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tipiqle | +7.52 | 76 | 33 |
| #2 | Rigatoni | +4.80 | 70 | 34 |
| #3 | Greg, I Smell Drugs | +3.16 | 58 | 48 |
| #4 | zaldin | +2.01 | 40 | 50 |
| #5 | 2X PIMPY | -1.34 | 32 | 39 |





